30

Every birthday, I sit down and write the greatest lessons I learned during the past year.  I usually try to wring out three, but I only have two this year. Maybe a third one will materialize as I write.

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Fake It 'til You Make It

I used to hate this saying. I always thought that being honest and presenting your authentic self was how you made it through life. Well, I still believe that, but I understand the nuances of "fake it 'til you make it" have its merits.

When my second year of teaching came around, I was still reeling over my first. However, during the first month of school, I put on a more dominant presence: I rolled my shoulders back and spoke more firmly. This wasn't me—I was the funny one, the "chill teacher"—but it's what my kids needed. That tough love, those high expecations. After a month or so, it became a part of me—my teaching persona–and it worked. Now, it's me.

I still let out a joke here and there, but the parts of me that didn't come naturally beforehand (the stern me) only developed when I tried them despite the discomfort. I guess, "fake it 'til you make it" is just another way of saying "practice makes perfect."

Most of the time, nobody knows what they're doing. We're all just going through the days trying to figure it all out. Keep it together and feign sanity until the implausible becomes your new normal.

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Better Under Pressure 

Short, but sweet: I work better under pressure and added responsibility. When I am in a leadership role and held accountable to others and a mission, I will deliver.

Of course, my values and beliefs need to be aligned to the mission, vision, and values of my responsiblities, or I will dismiss tasks as just checkmarks on a to-do list.

This is mostly a note to myself, but maybe I'll expound upon this later.

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Write to Live

I don't think it's coincidental the third lesson I was searching for emerged halfway through my fourth paragraph.

I'm a huge proponent of journaling. Studies show the mental health benefits are innumerous and I can attest to the stability writing brought to my life. I have to write or I will die. Or rather, the connection between myself and myself will die.

One of these days, I'll write a book. I shouldn't keep putting it off, but in the meantime, I'll keep journaling. To conclude:

"Of course, a writer’s journal must not be judged by the standards of a diary. The notebooks of a writer have a very special function: in them he builds up, piece by piece, the identity of a writer to himself. Typically, writers’ notebooks are crammed with statements about the will: the will to write, the will to love, the will to renounce love, the will to go on living. The journal is where a writer is heroic to himself. In it he exists solely as a perceiving, suffering, struggling being." - Susan Sontag, Against Interpretation: And Other Essays

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As always, thanks for reading.

Much love,
AA